6 weeks…we missed a few
She said…
I am so nervous as I begin to type this. Not because I don’t want to share what has taken place over these last 8 weeks, but because Vince is sitting directly across from me, so excited by the content he is about to produce that exposes the emotional roller coaster that has been a constant presence during this prep, not unlike Bell Zettifar’s internal war with his own emotions in the Rising Storm…that’s right, I made a Star Wars reference.
In my first entry, I referenced that the comparison and self doubt that usually settles in around the 6 week out mark for me had already begun. Well friends…let me tell you the dark path that took! As I began to type out all of the things that I either said out loud to family, or internally to myself, I realized how difficult my own thought process is to follow. My belief in myself somehow disappeared and was replaced with this constant voice in my head telling me I’m not ready, I won’t be ready and I should just give up. When I get this way, I go dark. I focus on the things I know I can do (i.e.: Work, clean, sleep), and pull away from everything else. This includes friends, social media posts, and updates to this blog.
I didn’t know what to say, I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself and wasn’t sure how I was going to pull out of this funk. I never stopped working out, or following my meal plan, but I just wasn’t seeing the changes I felt I should be seeing 14, 10, 8 weeks out, and time simply was not on my side. After many (read too many) conversations with Vince, my trainers and Vince again, and maybe one or two tears…I decided to focus on my goal and trust that I will get where I need to be, and try to enjoy the journey. I know I’ve said this before, (and thank you to all of my friends who apparently have the memory of elephants who remind me I said this last time), but…this will be my last season competing.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Bodybuilding as a sport, I thrive on the dedication and commitment it takes to get to the stage and find comfort in working towards a goal that I know will push me to my limits, and some days even beyond. There is however, more in my life that I want to do that doesn’t support the lifestyle required to compete. I want to travel with Vince, enjoy last minute weekend date nights out, eat birthday cake with my kids, and be with them as they reach their own goals and celebrate their success (shout out to Emily going to Worlds to compete in Florida in 4 weeks!!!!!). I love bodybuilding, and I will continue to incorporate it into my lifestyle, but it will play more of a supporting role in the future. You know, more like Neville Longbottom vs Harry Potter. (one Star Wars reference was enough).
Anyhoo, back to prep…we are 6 weeks out from WNBF Vancouver, and 10 weeks out from Winnipeg. My excitement is growing, as my energy is depleting. The cardio has increased, and the macros have taken a nasty nose dive, but…this is what is required and I’m committed (and driven by) the process. I have started to have prep brain moments that include turning on the oven to cook my ground beef on the stove, and wondering why after 10 minutes, it hasn’t started to brown, and washing clothes multiple times as I forget to switch them from the washer to the dryer is now a daily occurrence. (although, to be fair, I did this well before prep started too)
I am competing in the Figure Open and Figure Master class. You may be thinking Master class? That’s pretty hard core! Well, it’s simply because I’m old, and this is the name of my age class. You can however feel free to refer to me as ‘Master G’ if you’d like. It has a nice ring to it, and I’ve always wanted that as a nickname. The figure class is not as muscular as bodybuilding, but a harder (muscle) look than bikini. At this point in prep, I’m focused on losing excess fat while preserving as much muscle as I can in a deficit. If you are interested in the judging criteria of the figure class, I can go into more details in a later blog, but for today, I will leave you with this:
No one is motivated each and every day. When you lack motivation, rely on your discipline. When discipline isn’t enough, remain determined. And in the darkest days, when you feel like giving up, surround yourself with people whose belief in you inspires you to keep pushing forward. My circle may be small, but it is powerful.
I’m trying to figure out a way to end this blog on a light note, so I will just say this; I have no idea what Vince has written, but I am confident that at least 26% of it is false. I am a gem, and super easy to live with in prep…at least from my perspective.
He Said…
A wise man named Obi-Wan Kenobi once said, “Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.”
“We missed a few”? Missing a few is what you say when you’ve picked up the chocolate chips after spilling them on the counter and you find a couple. Missing a few is what you’ve done when you find a couple of extra matching socks in the lonely sock bin.
We missed more than a few, boys and girls. And we’re not sorry. At all. Not even a bit.
Now, that’s not the typical approach that anyone should take when trying to build an audience and maintain viewers and followers to your blog. BUT YOU WEREN’T HERE! YOU HAVE NO IDEA!! YOU DON’T KNOW THE HORRORS WE’VE SEEN!!!
Actually we’ve just been really busy. But you haven’t missed much and I can give you the run-down on the prep adventure really quick, as follows (no names to protect the individuals):
Week 13: This was a week of fish. Lots of fish, lots of complaining about not liking fish. At this point it was recommended that someone ask for an alternative.
Week 12: Let’s try different fish instead of tuna and salmon because these aren’t someone’s favourite and she keeps forgetting to take servings out of the freezer. Again, maybe ask for a change. Existential crisis commences. Average bedtime: 9:45pm.
Week 11: This is the moment I realized that we now have half of a freezer filled with various types of fish because someone wanted to try different fish and didn’t want mercury poisoning but ultimately decided to ask her food coach for something different and of course she said yes. Average bedtime: 9:30pm.
Week 10: Existential crisis and comparison with other competitors. Average bedtime: 9:15pm.
Week 9: Comparison with self commences and existential crisis continues but now we’re thinking that Fit Body just “isn’t for me” and honestly that’s a fantastic decision. Focus on Figure and kicks it’s ass. Average bedtime: 9:00pm.
Week 8: Ah yes, the week of “I’m quitting and I hate everything but at least I don’t have to eat fish” silver lining playbook. If there’s anything that keeps a competitor motivated, it’s the fact that they don’t have to eat fish. Oh! And cardio. Lots of new and exciting cardio. With techno music. Lots of motivational techno music. Average bedtime: 9:00pm but only to try and be respectful.
Week 7: Suit fitting and panic from suit fitting along with a dash of self-doubt and reflecting on past photographs and a sprinkle of “Hey did you want to do this HIIT workout with–” NO. Average bedtime: “I’m going to read in bed.”
And here we are six weeks out from the Vancouver show and ten from Winnipeg. You’ve missed nothing… And know that when Gillian reads that sentence she’s gonna go full panic-mode. You’re welcome.
Here’s the sitch this week, though, and I promise you I’m working on something special for the rest of the stretch. This week our happy little contender has been blessed with a 600 calorie deficit d-a-i-l-y. Yes, you read that correctly. 1,300 calories, two bouts of cardio and six weight workouts a week. I don’t envy her at all and let’s be honest, I don’t even envy myself. It’s getting real.
I actually laughed when Gillian made her dinner last night and measured out the pittance of chicken that was allotted to the meal. Remember that scene in Mickey and the Beanstalk where Mickey is slicing the bean at the beginning for Donald and Goofy to share and it’s paper thin and they all just kind of look at their portions and collectively get more sad? Yeah. That.
But when credit is due–I must first ridicule and since I’ve done that, let me follow it up with the simple fact that the level of dedication, effort and commitment (paired with existential crisis management) from my wife continues to impress and inspire.
Six more weeks of pretending that my own meals taste like cardboard and that the recipe “seems a little off”.
Six more weeks of saying that this scotch is a real let-down.
Six more weeks of eating ice cream out of the container in front of Gillian because why bother using a bowl because it’s not like she’s going to eat any of it.
Stay tuned, boys and girls. It’s about to get fun!
-v
